ISO: Southern Victuals

Many people in DC like to tell me that our fair city is the South. As we all know, JFK famously called Washington a "city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm." "And it's below the Mason-Dixon line," folks say. "And have you noticed how hot and humid it gets?" (Note to complainers about heat and humidity: Try a summer in Louisiana. Hell, try twenty of them. Then come back and talk to me about "hot and humid". Although I'll admit that today's hundred-degree sauna was pretty miserable...)

But please. The South? Washington? Where's the accent? The bless-your-heart "politeness"? The real down-home, honest-to-goodness, stick-to-your-ribs Southern food? By and large, it's not here.

There are some exceptions. The shrimp and grits at Colorado Kitchen? Tastes like home, Creole-style (with tomatoes) with a mildly sweet biscuit on the side. And I enjoyed a plate of fried catfish with corn cakes and collard greens at Busboys and Poets last week -- although served a little fancier than fried catfish should ever be (it's a fish with whiskers, a bottom-feeder, for goodness' sake! I'm used to enjoying it at a Friday fish fry, wiping my hands and mouth on paper towels and pulling a beer out of the cooler...), the fish was delightfully crispy and I devoured it. But the greens couldn't have been cooked by a southerner, as I don't think a pork product came anywhere near them at any time. And as I've said before, collard greens aren't collard greens without pork.

And corn cakes? What I wanted was hushpuppies, those delectable balls of fried cornmeal laced with peppers and onions (if savory) or a touch of honey (if sweet)! As the story goes, they got their name from the cooks' practice of tossing them to the dogs in the kitchen to quiet them down, but I think they could be called hush-children, or just plain delicious! Back home, no seafood feast was complete without an order of hushpuppies (my favorites, at Drusilla Seafood in Baton Rouge, are still only twelve for a dollar!), but here, I can't seem to satisfy my craving. According to Tom Sietsema:

Kitchens that know their hush puppies: Majestic Cafe in Old Town, which serves 'em with remoulade; Jackie's in Silver Spring, where the snack is on the brunch menu; and Vidalia downtown Washington. Indigo Landing in Alexandria, which I'm reviewing in this week's Sunday Magazine, serves hush puppies made with ... foie gras!

Foie gras hushpuppies? This southern girl's not buying it. They may be very tasty, but hushpuppies, they're not.

And one more piece of evidence for the "DC's not the South" file -- no self-respecting Southern city would fail as miserably at sweet tea as our nation's capital does. But here, at least, there's an easy solution. If preparing a separate pitcher of sweet tea is too much to ask, please don't suggest that I just add sugar to a glass of iced tea. No! Anyone who's ever taken a chemistry class can tell you that sugar crystals don't easily dissolve in cold liquid! I could sit there for a half-hour, diligently stirring sugar into my tea, only to find a layer of sugar sediment laying at the bottom of my glass when I rest my spoon. Instead, follow Firefly's example, and offer simple syrup to sweeten iced tea. It's an idea brilliant in its simplicity...

Colorado Kitchen
5515 Colorado Avenue, NW
202-545-8280

Busboys and Poets
2021 14th Street, NW
202-387-POET (7638)

Drusilla Seafood
3482 Drusilla Lane
Baton Rouge, LA
225-927-8844

Firefly
1310 New Hampshire Avenue, NW
202-861-1310